The Bible Is Better Than Netflix!

Do you like your movies with Action? Gore? Romance? Comedy? Meaningful family interaction? Sex Appeal?

Do you root for the underdog? Do you want love conquering all odds? Or do you enjoy gripping your seat in suspense?

Then, baby, open up your Bible! As soon as I started reading my Bible, I cancelled my Netflix. I was on fire for the Word before, but now I can’t get enough.

That’s right. I said it. I’ll scream it from the rooftops:

I read the Bible FOR FUN, too!

I read it for guidance. I read it for relationship. I read it for Fun.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Week at Homeschool

I’ve fallen into the trap.  I’m a little over a month in and I’ve caught myself making it more and more traditional-school style.  Yikes!!

We started off fun and hands-on and have somehow slid into sitting-at-desk-reading-out-of-textbooks schooling. No, no, no, no, no! Adhd + sit-at-desk-textbook-reading = my son feeling tortured.

Then– 

We had a rough week. We didn’t get anything done– that sent me into overdrive trying to catch up.  Every day I added more to what we needed to cram in.
He and I started bickering.
I started getting crabby.

I coulda stopped the train in it’s tracks the first day I noticed it was going so very wrong and avoided the inevitable chain reaction. I shoulda nixed that day altogether and just read aloud together snuggled on the couch to reinforce the nature of our education and our emotional bond. I woulda, except we would have then fallen behind.

I coulda corrected my attitude to avoid hurt feelings,  a lower self-esteem, and an overall feeling of unhappiness in our school in both of us to stop the bickering in its tracks.  I shoulda made it a point to have special alone time to read my Bible and center my chi because I let the task become more urgent than my source of strength. I woulda, except I had to go to work every night and that would have taken even more time away from studying.

Parenting Fail.

I coulda wallowed in my guilt and self-pity, which would guarantee that the next week was just as rotten and the Enemy could get a good laugh knowing he was tearing down our school from the inside out.  I sure did use the opportunity to discuss Grace, accepting responsibility (both of us), and regain a mutual perspective of our overall mission. I woulda pretended it just never happened and gone on next week as if it had no consequences, but hey, that’s not my style. 😉

I would value any feedback from all my dear family in Christ out there about how to prevent such a downhill slide in the future!!

(Side note: I feel like I know most of you personally!)

God FedEx’d Supplies To My Homeschool

Our first year of homeschooling started today and I’m excited, prepared, nervous, and unprepared. (Yes, you read that correctly.) I don’t think I truly recognized the herculean task that was before me when I started this in motion. Not that I am second-guessing–I’m not. I just didn’t realize how different and difficult it would make everything else in my life.
But, as I always say, these are the times that I see God working most clearly.
I had to share this with you.

In order to work out a schedule that did not require a babysitter at some juncture halfway through the day/week, I had to switch my schedule to nights. (Dear husband {DH} works normal hours in the daytime.) Seems simple and logical enough, yes? Good heavens no; trying to switch from days to nights was more difficult than trying to get a camel through  the eye of a needle. My job has 32 employees, 95% are part-time (just like myself), and in order for it to be fair to everyone my management would have had to change/rotate everyone else’s schedules every semester. This did not really work out for anyone. The other employees, my dearest friends, were super supportive of my decision and have been helping me all along so they did not grumble about this at all but none of them were really excited about having to uproot their long-running “set” schedules every couple months. And, quite frankly, I felt it was unfair to them anyway because I chose this– all of their kids are long since grown. They already made their sacrifices.

It seemed that I would have to quit my beloved job in order to homeschool.  I cried. I shook my fist at the sky. I cried some more.

God Met Me There: Not even a week after I gave my tearful resignation, the part-time night position in the computer lab opened up. The teen worker was leaving for college.  I was originally hired as the day person in the computer lab and was then promoted up to the front circulation desk so this was not a new area to me! I was basically just going back to where I came from.  It dropped my hours, sure, but it also gave me 4 hours of quiet time to create lesson plans, do research, regain my composure after a day of homeschooling (ha!), stay with the company I love, and get back to my blog!!

(I also have another part-time night job at an upscale restaurant.)

I’ve committed to the choice. I’ve gotten my work schedule figured out.  I have spoken to some church family that homeschool as well to get an idea of where to go from here. I research for materials that I think would be interesting. (I have phenomenal access seeing as how I work at a library, ha!) I really have no idea what we should be studying or what a real lesson plan looks like–I’m basically flying by the seat of my pants.

God Met Me There: A patron comes in and asks if we accept old textbooks as donations or if we can recycle them for her. We do not do either. Casual conversation leads me to find that they are 4th grade textbooks from last year.  She even went home and brought back some of her classroom supplies- whiteboard and all!
Did you just get chills? This is just beyond my ability to accept as “coincidence”. God purposefully placed the right person in the exact right place at the exact right time.

I was reassured and now fully equipped. I was on task now like a starving woman at Krispy Kreme.

You can always count on God to deliver when you’re doing the right thing.

1 John 3: 22 “And whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him.”

2 Chronicles 31: 21 “And every work that he undertook in the service of the house of God and in accordance with the law and the commandments, seeking his God, he did with all his heart, and prospered.”

Leviticus 26: 3-13 “If you walk in my statutes and observe my commandments and do them, then I will give you your rains in their season, and the land shall yield its increase, and the trees of the field shall yield their fruit. Your threshing shall last to the time of the grape harvest, and the grape harvest shall last to the time for sowing. And you shall eat your bread to the full and dwell in your land securely. I will give peace in the land, and you shall lie down, and none shall make you afraid. And I will remove harmful beasts from the land, and the sword shall not go through your land. You shall chase your enemies, and they shall fall before you by the sword. …”

Money is Like Pickles- And God Wants Us To Have Pickles!

There once were two farmers who desperately needed rain. Both men prayed for the rain, but only one went out and prepared his fields to actually receive it. Which farmer do you think trusted God for His faithfulness?

Which farmer am I? I mean in real life with real life-altering circumstances: which one would I be? I have had to ask myself this question recently and that led me to suspect that others struggle with this as well. When times are good, I am absolutely positive as to which farmer I am. It is when times get really, really tough that the other side of me is brought out. In the last 8 months my circumstances have gone to crap, but I learned a lot about myself and about what God expects from a true believer. I have found that I should do everything that I can do on my own end and then wait on the Lord’s voice and His timing. He will meet me there, but I have definitely found that He wants me to move forward proactively in faith and diligence.

To keep this started off on a light note, let’s first compare this to when a child realizes that the proverbial tough pickle jar needs opened.

(Stay with me here because it gets real after this)

Step 1: We don’t just say, “Well, the jar won’t open so I guess we aren’t using any pickles ever again.” So, for argument sake, let’s just say right out that perhaps we should never just do nothing during our dark times because God wants us to have pickles!! That’s why He created pickles!

Step 2: The child tries by her (or his) own strength to pop the lid off. Fail. Our own strength will never be enough; we need God.

Step 3: The child starts to look around at the resources available and relevant. Said child gets a butter knife and taps the lid jar all around. Now we are getting somewhere, right? The child has realized that although she does not have the strength, she does have the resources God provided; He provided the butter knife and the knowledge of how to tap the jar.

Let’s take a side-trip here for just a brief moment: How did the child know to tap the jar? Two important ways!!

A. The child asked the parent after step 2 what she should try. We should be praying fervently to God about what to do. He will tell us.

B. The child has watched the parent do this trick a hundred times. We should be reading the Bible and emulating Jesus.

Alright, back to the regularly scheduled programming.

Step 4: The child hands over the jar to the parent. We have diligently, faithfully acted. Now it is time to hand it over to God. He’ll handle it from here.  What does a parent say to the child here after step 4? We all say something like, “You totally loosened it for me!!! I’m really proud of how hard you tried!”

Are you still with me? I know that’s a ridiculous example but it’s the setup for the example I’m going to give you from my own life.

My Personal Backstory:

About 8 months ago, my household hit a very dark financial stretch. My husband’s new(ish) job had offered him fantastic health insurance for a great price. We signed him up for it immediately. John (my husband) had a collapsed lung the previous year so we were really excited about this really great coverage. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

His next two paychecks were both $200 short. The divorce decree from 8 years ago states that if he ever has insurance that all 3 of his kids will automatically be put on it. Yikes. John had completely forgotten this (not that I can blame him, it was almost a decade ago!) It would all be fine and dandy, except…
My 3 step-children have military insurance for free that covers them completely. They live across the country so even if they wanted to use my husband’s insurance the co-pay would be outrageous because they are “out of network”. So naturally, their mother decided NOT to use John’s insurance and to stick with her husband’s military insurance (as any intelligent woman would do!).  So here we are with $400 a month missing from his paychecks for a product that no one was using! This is completely separate from child support, mind you. So we were paying child support AND the $400 a month. The part that really bothers me is the: NO ONE WAS USING IT. (John never saw a doctor, I wasn’t on it, and our son in the home was not on it, and the boys never used it because they had their own, better insurance)

Child Support + $400/mo insurance = actual take home pay is lower than minimum wage.

You now have the very  basic backstory. I’m going to share with you now how God moved in our life. He nudged us when we needed nudged, He blessed us when we were obedient, He strengthened our marriage, and He revealed to us our weaknesses and strengths.

Step 1: We did nothing.We actually lived this way for about 1.5 months because we trusted that God would fix it for us without any effort or realizations on our part. (1 Samuel 17: 1-16. A huge, strong, completely armored, well-trained military giant has an entire tribe of God’s people “dismayed and greatly afraid” for forty days.) They did nothing for over a month. Unfortunately, we were even worse because we did nothing for over forty days.

Step 2:  We try by our own strength to solve the problem.
We decide that all we need to do is live even more below our means. We decide we need a stricter budget and stricter adherence to said budget.  (1 Samuel 17: 38-39: Then Saul clothed David with his garments and put a bronze helmet on his head, and he clothed him with armor. David girded his sword over his armor and tried to walk, for he had not tested them. So David said to Saul, “I cannot go with these, for I have not tested them.” And David took them off.) – My perception of this as applicable to my situation is that our modern-day armor/helmet/garments were our creative budgeting. We donned our new budget the way that Saul was dressing up David—in completely inappropriate, unnecessary armor that didn’t even fit. We thought that our own, familiar armor is what we would need to solve the problem instead of stepping out in Faith.    Epic Fail.
We were already living below the norm of the average American household. We already had no cable, no internet, no Netflix, no date nights, no little family treats (like renting movies from Family Video—nope, not even that). All of our expenses were fixed, general stay-alive expenses. (Water, power, etc)

Our grocery and house supply bill were the only bills that were flexible. John does manual labor so he has to have food to fuel his body and Phillip (our son) needs food to fuel his growth, but I sit behind a desk all day so in this triad my body needs the least fuel. I ended up eating 1 meal a day and it was carrot sticks or cucumber slices. (Cheap, but super healthy so I didn’t die)
I was dubbed “The Girl with the Carrot Sticks” as a nickname at work.  Get it? It’s a pun off the book The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Librarian humor! On the positive side, the “poverty diet” did slim me down to fit back into my skinny jeans from pre-marriage. 🙂 Poverty Diet= Size 9 to Size 3.

The worst part of this scenario though that I feel I need to share with you is that it left no room for “life happens” to happen. It eroded our family from the inside out. My son, being only 9, took his over-shirt off at school and left it there. Obviously no one turned it in to lost & found (probably stolen) and we had to replace it. When you don’t even have enough money to the pay the bills, a lost shirt seems like a huge crisis. I reacted soooo badly; I’m talking about off- the-deep-end rage. I had him in tears with my poisonous words and tone– and over what?– 1 missing shirt that he certainly did not lose on purpose. I hate that this kind of stress has the ability to reduce me to monsterdom. (Yeah, I’m coining this make-believe word) John and I started bickering over petty, stupid stuff too and it finally took us all to such an ugly place that we knew we could not stay.

Step 3: We start to look around for the resources available and relevant. We decide that we can’t count on our own strength and need to take some action. Of course, God had gone before us and laid it out all—He was just waiting for us to do our part. (1 Samuel 17: 40: He took his stick in his hand and chose for himself five smooth stones from the brook, and put them in the shepherd’s bag which he had, even in his pouch, and his sling was in his hand; and he approached the Philistine.) – David didn’t want the one-size-fits-all armor of Saul; he went and found the resources that God provided that fit his talents, willingness, and what he already had with him. We did the same.

Resource 1: A second part-time job. I decide that my husband needs to get a second job, part-time. My husband decides that he shouldn’t have to get a second job; instead he thinks I should quit the job I have and find something that pays more.

Huge argument ensues. Deep wedges of resentment building, but commitment still intact. We seek outside counsel from our pastor.

Resource 1B: Pastor that is fair and truly cares enough to counsel us. He listens to the financial woes. He then lets us discuss it at with one another for a good few minutes. He holds us both accountable for the way we are not communicating to one another. I think quickly and I talk even more quickly. Our pastor likes to call this the “fire hydrant.” When unleashed, my poor husband takes a big ole drink of every single thought I have all at once. To top that off though, then I get angry when he doesn’t/can’t respond. John thinks slowly, and talks even more slowly. He likes to take in one piece of information at a time, work it over slowly in his mind, and then come back to discuss it. Unfortunately, we just never seem to come back to things until they blow up. This pattern starts a vicious cycle that ends up with us never communicating. (And, oh yes, it has been this way from the time we started dating.) Our pastor gives us extremely good advice about how to go forward together from now. He recommends that we discuss 1 piece of the topic at a time, we write our thoughts down, and then take a break to think those over separately, and then come back to discuss them. This has actually worked out really well. He also discusses ideas about different ways to make the money we need to at least survive. He discusses what the Bible says about John being the provider and protector of the family. He refers us to Dave Ramsey about possible extra jobs that won’t exhaust my husband since he works manual labor in the daytime. Dave Ramsey suggests pizza delivery.

Not even a week later, John and I sit down to discuss the situation again and he admits to me the real reason that he didn’t want to get a night job. He had been married once before and had always worked two jobs while he was married to her because she was staying home with their infant children. (I do not condemn this situation by the way. I believe mothers that can stay home with their newborns should definitely do that if that is what they want!)  He was terrified that I too would get lonely, or feel abandoned and would similarly seek solace in the arms of another man. This broke my heart, but it also gave me a good look inside of his. I reassured him that although I’m a lot of things, unfaithful is not one of them. Plus, of course, stating the obvious: I’m deeply in love with my husband. Not the love-goggle kind, the I-see-the-real-you-and-I-would-still-starve-before-let-anything-happen-to-you kind. His honest confession softened my heart the way that nothing else would have. I had been assuming that he was just lazy, or didn’t care, or wanted me to be the man of the family. I was angry. After hearing his confession, I was ashamed. I saw a lot about myself that I didn’t like after that. Why would I assume the worst of my husband? This forever changed me.

God Meets Us There: Our relationship has never been as close as it was/is after that. We needed that type of counseling long ago and never received it. If this situation had never come up, John and I would still not be communicating and we still wouldn’t know each other as well as we do now. God strengthened our marriage through this awful situation. John and I demonstrated how committed we are to making this marriage work even through the “or for worse” of our vows—because God gave us this opportunity. We actually communicate better now, we speak more truthfully now, and we know now that we are teammates in everything now. We like to say, “We’re all in!”

God Meets Us There: Not even a full week after that conversation (so about 2 from seeing our pastor), a pizza delivery job was posted to our local Craigslist. I kid you not! That is how specific God is. John responded to that ad within the hour that it was posted. He was hired the same day he was interviewed. In an economy where the unemployment rate is at an all-time high, he managed to find 2 jobs within 1 year.

Resource 2: I ask my work to cross-train me in other areas and they do. I end up picking up a ton of extra hours.

God Meets Us There: It turns out that the hours of the other positions I learned are actually better than my regular hours. I can go in, get 6 extra hours every day, and still be off in plenty of time to pick up my son from school. I don’t have to pay a babysitter when I’m working in the new positions, which makes those days all profit. I was making (and still am) almost as much as my husband at his real job now. Plus, now I have also become one of the most highly-trained employees there.

Resource 3: We decide we don’t need our fancy smart phones. It is the third most expensive thing we have– barely below our car! The family package, internet for both of us, and unlimited texting (not to mention all of their miscellaneous extra charges) is crazy expensive. We decided to take it back down to regular minutes with unlimited texting because we may need it for emergencies.  We had to remind ourselves that people used to do just fine when they only had a landline. And besides, we aren’t supposed to be on our phones when we are at work and we don’t need to be on them when we are at home with our families so when/why exactly do we need them??
I have to admit here that this step was by far the most difficult for John. He was addicted to his phone. It was never out of his hand. Ever.

God Meets Us There: This change earned us approximately $100 extra dollars back into our house a month. Yeah. That’s huge. But besides that, it completely changed our family dynamic. Now when you talk to my husband, he can look you in the eye and you have his full attention instead of competing with the games on his phone that he is simultaneously playing. We aren’t interrupted at the dinner table by it beeping that he has a Facebook update of some sort. It’s nice. I didn’t even realize how upset I was over it until now that it’s gone and things are different.

Resource 4: We take a huge leap of Faith and decide to go to court to get the insurance dropped. This is where the story starts getting intense, folks. This is the pivotal turning point that displays what an amazing God we serve.  This is where everything gets difficult but God blesses our obedience. This is where I start getting chills every time I tell what happened.
The issue here is that anytime you go to court for something, it is a gamble that it will work completely against you.
We were going to ask that they drop the insurance and raise the child support a little instead. We think this is a fair trade because the insurance is being wasted–at least if we increase the support we know our kids are actually using the money.

However: this could go terribly wrong. The insurance is a completely separate order from the child support. The court could raise the child support AND keep the insurance, in which case we would end up foreclosing on our house. We are talking grown-people-moving-back-in-with-the-parents-and-commuting-an-hour-every-day-for-work scenario. We are literally discussing losing our house territory. But John was working 65+ hours a week at this point and I’m exhausted because I’m working full-time and inevitably acting as single-parent because he’s at his second job and we just cannot continue this way permanently. But still, this is a huge gamble; throw in an ex-wife and you have the recipe for what I call ‘Calamity Soup’.

We decide that we trust God to take care of us. We decide that as long as our intentions are honorable and we deal with the courts and the ex with integrity, then He will bless us.

And He does.

God Meets Us There: The court orders the insurance dropped. Here is the part that may make you tingle. The judge says that in all her years as the judge in that court, she has only ever had 2 other men voluntarily ask to raise the child support. She commends John for his integrity, and doesn’t raise his support to the ultimate maximum! The support is now the same amount as our house, but we gained about $90/month back. I’ll take it and be grateful!

I am absolutely positive that because of our integrity with handling that circumstance and those people, that God continued to bless us for our obedience. This next resource showed up simply because He is an amazing, generous God:

Resource 5: The car dealership calls me out of the blue and asks to buy back our car at the same price we bought it for! Let me explain why this is so powerful!! We had tried to get out from under my car 3 months before this and again 2 months before. We owed waaaay too much on it still. We had written this option off.
Two nights before I got the call, I had woken up in the middle of the night for no reason and couldn’t get back to sleep. I couldn’t get out of bed and go watch t.v. in the living room because my nephew was spending the weekend with us and he was asleep on the living room couch. So I was stuck laying in bed, wide awake.

So I prayed. I prayed fervently. I literally prayed for 2 hours before I finally fell back asleep. (I had looked at the alarm clock right before I forced myself to close my eyes again, at which point I fell asleep) Wanna guess what I prayed about? That we would find a way out from under the car!!

Two days later. I kid you not.

God Meets Us There: We ended up trading the car for a nicer vehicle. We walked away clean from our expensive car. We didn’t have to roll any of the money over or anything. In fact, we got money “back” (we just had them pay it towards the new car) from not having to carry specialized insurance anymore.  My son actually fits inside of it, it is the same year, it has lower miles, still has a sunroof, and it actually drives better. We gained $100/mo from the trade and it will take us 1 whole year less to pay off. So we gained instant money and long-term money.

Another tingly “coincidence“: the new car had just finished being serviced because it had just been brought in that morning. It has the window sticker of a woman kneeling at a cross on the back windshield. That sticker even made my husband’s jaw drop. What were the odds that the very car we needed was brought in on the very day we needed it, from another Christian person?

God Meets Us There: God used this opportunity to strengthen our family once again. You see, this was my “dream” car. We thought that because we owned our truck outright that we could afford to take on my dream car with such a high payment. I really liked it. But God revealed the weakness in my own heart about loving earthly possessions too much. When John started working his second job, he was away from home 65+ hours a week. (40 regular job, 25+ second job) I missed him so much I couldn’t stand it. It didn’t take very long before I realized that I loved my husband more than I loved my dream car. I was “over it” with having a fancy car instead of a present husband. My priorities and loyalties became crystal clear to me. He, being the honorable man of God that he is, wanted to keep it. He wanted to fulfill my dreams. It actually took me convincing him to let me trade it in. That it was no reflection on him being a “poor provider”–that I wanted him more, I loved him more, that I would walk if it brought him home more. Ultimately, he was my “dream”.
Something about hearing all of this out loud clicked with him because he has been more devoted and attentive than ever. We are even closer now than we were when he was “fulfilling my dreams”.  Praise be to God!

Step 4: We hand it over to God. We have literally done everything we can do on our own end. From here we trust Him and wait on His timing to bless us. We cannot sit around and do nothing. David did not sit around with the rest of the tribe and wait for God to smite Goliath. He went out after him dressed in Faith and then let God deliver him into his hand.

Do we still face every day with the fact that one emergency will completely ruin us? Yes. Are we afraid of that fact? No. When we start to feel afraid, we simply review all the different ways God has met us where we are and how blessed we have been. We have nothing to fear. (1 Samuel 17: 33-37: Then Saul said to David, “You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him; for you are but a youth while he has been a warrior from his youth.”  But David said to Saul, “Your servant was tending his father’s sheep. When a lion or bear came and took a lamb from the flock, I went out after him and attacked him, and rescued it from his mouth; and when he rose up against me, I seized him by his beard and struck him and killed him. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, since he has taunted the armies of the living God.” And David said, “The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.”)

David simply remembered all the ways that God was faithful in the past when he was faced with big challenges. I am simply remembering the last 8 months of all the ways God was faithful to my family.

I serve an Amazing God, and so do you.

I hope this post fuels your inner courage and your trust of His faithfulness for your own circumstances.

Christmas Traditions: Christ-Centered Edition

*Christmas = The Birth Of The Savior!!

Now, with that disclaimer out of the way, the holiday portion of CHRISTmas in my house is about traditions that my kid will (actually) remember and that will draw him closer to God. I say poo-poo on the run-of-the-mill busy work to-do list that makes the whole season pass in a blur; if, after the one big day, I don’t feel closer to God, my family, or mankind then I say the whole holiday was an epic fail. So a few years ago we did away with what was expected of us and made our own list.

Here are our ‘Big 3’ as we call them:

3.  Making cookies for people who we think probably get overlooked. We bake & decorate cross cookies for the garbage men and the mailman. (We make a mess, have a ball, and spend the time discussing how important it is to look for ‘overlooked’ people in all areas of life, all the time, and draw them into our life.)

=======================================================

2. Praying a “Happy Birthday, Jesus!” first thing Christmas morning before even donning our slippers and heading to the tree of presents.

=======================================================

And the #1 tradition that elicits the most excitement:

1. Making a Birthday Cake for Jesus! †

He informed me that Jesus would totally prefer Funfetti cake

=======================================================

Special Note: The most obvious tradition in our house is attending Church on both Christmas Eve & Day.
—————————————————————————————————

What are some of your special traditions? How do you keep Christ in Christmas?

My Struggle: Christian Response When Being “Wronged”

The WRONG response to adversity.

My mantra of late: Adversity = The Opportunity For  Integrity & Character to Shine.

I have a circumstance right now that is serious in nature and could potentially alter my family’s life for a long time. It feels that my family and I are being “wronged”. And nothing –nothing! –compares to a Livid Mama Bear whose Cub is threatened.

The real problem is how I catch myself responding. My devoted mind to Christ wants to behave the right way even in the face of someone else behaving (to my opinion) wrong. However, my heart and my mind are in complete opposition; The Bible warns us repeatedly that our hearts can be deceived, so I find that I must repeat my mantra over, over, over, and over all day long every day.

“Jesus knew their thoughts and replied, ‘Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart.’ ” (Mat. 12:25)

It doesn’t get much more obvious than that: To allow these evil thoughts or actions to continue would tear both our families apart.

But, oh my, …

Hateful, hateful thoughts pop in with no warning to the point that I’m even surprised by them! Most of the time I have to literally stop whatever I am doing (even if I’m walking, driving, etc) and say out loud “Okay Lord, my thoughts have run astray. I cannot keep these out of my mind on my own, I need your help! Clear these so that my wrong thoughts do not lead to wrong actions.”

Speak No, Hear No, See No Evil ©tayrawrdactyl.tumblr.com

I’m called to be the peacemaker even during the worst: “And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.” (James 3:18)

To try to control the situation or to try to “win” against another would only be a nonverbal statement that I don’t trust God. It wouldn’t show my integrity, it would show a lack of character. It would demonstrate to my children the value of winning instead of the value of loving thine enemies. They say morals are caught, after all, not taught.

The Bible tells us we must lead our hearts; so everyday I consciously choose to continue fighting my invisible attacker–I continue to ask God to clear the bad thoughts from my mind and to change my heart. My hope is that the Lord makes something beautiful out of the ashes of this lose-lose situation we face. I pray for strength to maintain my dignity in the face of a verbally and publicly abusive opponent. (I’m being slandered on the popular social media as we speak)

I wonder if this opportunity will help me lead others to Jesus? What is God’s plan? How can I use this to bring Him glory? Am I being pruned?

“But they do not know the thoughts of the LORD; they do not understand his plan, he who gathers them like sheaves to the threshing floor.” (Micah 4:12)

I know that God has this in His hand and my small part of His victory is to do the right thing, but it is oh so much harder than it sounds. No matter what happens to us here, our reward for being peacemakers and trusting Him is in Heaven. ….. ….

Please pray for me.

Date Night Recommendation

If you are anything like myself and hubby, a date night is just tooo much over the budget allotment once you’ve paid the teenager and replaced all the food said teen will inevitably eat (hey, that’s the best part of babysitting!); so your new idea of a date is reheating the leftovers you’ve stashed away so the kids won’t eat them for an after-school snack and the video you have rented at least twice but still haven’t gotten around to actually watching.

Well, my recommendation is that January 17th be the stay-home-and-snuggle-date-night kick off because Sherwood Pictures, the creators of Fireproof  (the number one independent film in theatrical release in 2008), is releasing its fourth family friendly movie, Courageous.

The synopsis from courageousthemovie.com briefly explains the film:

Honor Begins at Home

Four men, one calling: To serve and protect. As law enforcement officers, Adam Mitchell, Nathan Hayes, David Thomson, and Shane Fuller are confident and focused. Yet at the end of the day, they face a challenge that none of them are truly prepared to tackle: fatherhood.

While they consistently give their best on the job, good enough seems to be all they can muster as dads. But they’re quickly discovering that their standard is missing the mark.

When tragedy hits home, these men are left wrestling with their hopes, their fears, their faith, and their fathering. Can a newfound urgency help these dads draw closer to God and to their children?… Protecting the streets is second nature to these men. Raising their children in a God-honoring way? That’s courageous.”

Our male counterparts won’t be ashamed to watch this movie with us and will definitely stay awake and interested due to the “action-packed police drama.” And ladies, we can laugh, cry, and feel inspired for our real lives instead of feeling like another 1.5 hours of our very precious time was wasted! Because, let’s face it, most movie choices leave us trying to choose the lesser evil: an overabundance of violence or an overabundance of sex; it’s not exactly date night material for grown-ups whose time is valuable.

© Google Images

There’s something for everyone in the Sherwood Pictures films so it’s (still) perfect if your only time is when the kiddos are awake laying on the floor in front of the t.v.!! (Tell them the couch is off-limits; that’s for you two!)

And dare I say it?! We’ll have conversation topics with our partners after the show (!) and rejuvenation for facing the everyday challenges with our kids.

Originally I recommended that September 30th be Date Night Kick Off, but now I am revamping my original post for the January 17th DVD release. Check out my original post on my job’s blog if it is still playing in theaters where you live!

A Special Season’s Reading: Life Without Limits

“I found the purpose of my existence, and also the purpose of my circumstance. There’s a purpose for why you’re in the fire.”

Australian born Nick Vujicic (pronounced ‘Vooy-cheech’) is one of the world’s most awe-inspiring and uplifting  inspirational speakers of all time. Nick is president of international 501c3 non-profit organization Life Without Limbs, a world-traveling motivational speaker, and writer of his memoir Life Without Limits. What makes him truly exceptional though is his ability to use his circumstances–  being born with no limbs– as his greatest asset to change the whole world.

Life Without Limits: Inspiration For A Ridiculously Good Life

Image from Life Without Limbs website

“Imagine being born without arms. No arms to wrap around a friend ; no hands to hold the ones you love; no fingers to experience touch ; no way to lift or carry things. How much more difficult would life be if you were living without arms and hands? Or what about legs? Imagine if instead of no arms, you had no legs. No ability to dance, walk, run, or even stand. Now put both of those scenarios together… no arms and no legs. What would you do? How would that affect your everyday life?”

Life Without Limbs asks a million dollar question and how many of us could really respond the way Nick did? His novel takes us through his quandary from infancy through teenage depression to the fated epiphany that launched him into his God-given purpose: inspire others and lead them to The Good News. You’ll muse, cry, and laugh hysterically. Nick Vujicic never writes with a tone that feels sorry for himself; his writing style is the same as his speaking style– honest, upbeat, and funny.

This is the perfect reading for this special season; the season of goodwill among men and a  renewed Hope for the coming year. Grab your warm throw blanket, put extra marshmallows in your hot cocoa (you deserve them!), and nestle in with this inspirational memoir!!

Want more, or too busy to sit and read? He also has many DVDs available at his website.

This is a sneak peek; I originally wrote this post for my library’s blog– it will be posted on the 16th: check it out here.

Everyday Conversation: Out of My Comfort but Into His Glory

So Testify! was born from a face-to-face conversation with my best friend about my inability to have face-to-face conversations. Yes, let’s just go ahead and get the fact that I’m a queen of the paradox out of the way. Eh; what can you do.

Here we are at a semi-fancy restaurant that shall remain nameless (but has the best salad &  bread sticks EVER!) celebrating her existence when the pros and cons of speaking our testimonies aloud(!) — like, to other people! — ensued with fervent gesticulation. We weren’t even drinking.

My past is…colorful. It’s no secret that I am a second chancer. That much I have no problem telling people. Unfortunately, my insecurities (or let’s say, Satan whispering in my ear) tell me that there are three serious possibilities that I’m not ready to face:

  • Judgment.  Whether I actually receive it or not, I will always be paranoid that I am receiving it. I will always be wondering what they think about me or the situation.

And, of course, what the Enemy is telling me is that the judgment I am getting is negative. He doesn’t want me to consider that perhaps they are saying, “She’s a good, strong gal for making it through and handing her life over to the Lord.” No, no. None of that. Lucifer wants me to think that everywhere I go and everyone I encounter can see the old me as if it’s a neon sign on my forehead. Ah, good ole Lucy.

  • I’m unqualified. I’m afraid that people will hear how bad I once was and decide that I’m not someone they should listen to. I realize this is a complete contradiction: the most powerful testimonies are from those most broken. Even though I know that, my insides tell me that people will judge the bad stuff so harshly that they’ll forget to hear the important message about accepting Christ, Grace, and obedience. Another portion of that is that I don’t know enough of the Bible to talk to people about any of this yet. This one may actually be legit.
  • Friendship loss. I didn’t used to believe that any person — not a one– made it through childhood/teenage/early 20s without the same kind of blemishes that I had. That is so not true. Although everyone messes up, lots of people still manage to make (mostly) right choices throughout their life. I have chosen to surround myself with these people since I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart. These are also the same friends who want to reach out and relate to people to help draw them to God. This is the double-edged sword: they will inevitably hear my testimony when I give it to others and knowing the deepest recess of my life may decide they don’t want to be tied down to someone with that much baggage (it’s exhausting no matter how far behind you it is). This is only natural human behavior. Whether this is relevant of truly rooted Christian friendships, I have no idea. Yet.

Darn you, you clever snake

Satan makes it sound really convincing, though. He’s all like: “It’s so cliché and naive to think that a real friend wouldn’t do that or to think that you just aren’t giving them enough credit…”

So here we are; we have arrived together at the point in my dinner story where this blog was first conceived.

The best advice I have received about this testifying is this: do not go into details about the past; use broad strokes so that the focus stays on how God redeemed.

What is your advice? And what “everyday” conversations have pushed you out of your comfort zone but into His glory?